Formula For A Boyband
by Shinigami Baby
Summary: Sephers and Rufie decide that forming a boyband is the way to go.
1. Default Chapter Title

WARNING! This is incredibly silly and quite dumb! 

"Formula For A Boyband" by Misa-chan 

Sephiroth and Rufus climbed up out of the sewer and walked toward Sepher's house. Sephiroth fished around in his pockets until he found his keys. He pulled them out and unlocked the door. 

"Cute keychain, Sephers." Rufus sarcastically commented about the little Masamune on Sephy's keys. 

Sephers smiled. "I know." He pricked Rufus with it. "It's real, too." 

"Owie!" Rufus cried. "That hurt!" 

"It was supposed to." Sephiroth said, opening the door. 

The two men walked inside Sephiroth's house. Rufus looked down. "Hey, nice carpet." 

"Yes, please take your shoes off." Sephiroth said, taking off his boots. 

Rufus did the same, then stepped onto the plush black carpet. "Ooh, it's so soft. I never had anything like this in my office... mostly becuase of that freaky dog thing I had. It crapped everywhere it went." 

Sephiroth nodded. "Well, have a seat on the couch and I'll be right back with the karaoke machine." He walked into his room and wheeled out the biggest karaoke machine Rufus had ever seen. 

"WOW, it's huge!" Rufus said. 

"Yep" Sephers stroked it lovingly. "I call it Florence. Florence Karaoke." 

Rufus sweatdropped. "So, what songs do you have?" 

Sephiroth smiled. "You name it, I've got it." 

" 'Hold Me Now' by the Thompson Twins?" Rufus asked. 

"Ooh yeah, I've got that one." 

"Whee! Lemme at it!" Rufus dove for the microphone. Sephers turned it on and put 'Hold Me Now' on. 

The music started. And Rufus sang his heart out. "I have a picture... Pinned to my wall... An image of you and of me and we're lauhing we're loving it all! Look at our life now... times have been torn... we fuss and we fight and delight in the tears and we cry until dawn... OOOOH HOLD ME NOW!..." 

When the song was over, Sephiroth applauded. "Hey, that wasn't bad, Rufie. Get a load of this!" He snatched the mic from Rufus and put another song on. The music started. It was a happy jazzy tune. 

"Flyyyyy me to the mooooon and let me plaaaay among the starrrs. Let me see what sprinnnng is like on Juuuupiter and Maaaars(whatever those are)...." 

When Sephy was done, Rufus clapped. "Wow, you have a great voice. We should do something about this." "Well, I'm gonna be a rockstar, you can be in my group, how about it?" Sephers asked. 

"That's a damn good idea." Rufus agreed. 

"Can you play any instruments?" Sephers asked. 

Rufus' face lit up. "I can play the drums!" 

"YEAH!" Sephiroth stood up. "Let's hold open auditions for our band!" 

Rufus stood up with him. "YEAH!" 

Later that week in WallMarket... The Dress Shop- 

"DAMN IT, I SAID 'WHITE', NOT 'PEARL', NOT 'CREAM', NOT 'OFF-WHITE'!!!!" Aeris shouted at the dress girl. 

"I'm sorry, ma'am!" She apologized. 

"DON'T BE SORRY, DON'T DO IT!!!" Aeris bellowed. The dress girl went off into the back room to find the 'white' fabric Aeris demanded. Cloud poked his head into Aeris' dressing room. Her face softened. "Hi Cloud." 

"You've got to have patience with these people, getting angry is so unlike you, Aeris." Cloud said. 

Aeris looked down. "I know, but I want everything to be perfect for our wedding." 

"It will be." 

"It's just that I remember when we came here for a dress for you. You got exactly what you wanted. Why can't they just cooperate with me?" Aeris said. 

Cloud stepped into her dressing room. "It's okay. I promise it'll be just perfect for our wedding." He hugged her. "Now stop being so difficult and try to let that poor girl do her job." 

"I'll try." Aeris said. She kissed him. "Now get out of here, this is a girls' dressing room!" She pushed him out. 

Cloud stepped outside the dress shop when a bright pink flyer caught his eye. "What the hell is this?" He read it over. "Sephiroth and... RUFUS?!?" 

In Rocket Town... 

"SHEEEEEERAAAAAA! WHERE'S MY DAMN TEA, WOOMAAAAN?!?!" Cid shouted from the backyard. 

"It's coming, dear, it's coming." Shera skittered to the backyard with a tray. "Here it is, honey." She sat on the grass and sipped some from her cup. 

"It's about damn time." Cid took a sip and sat down on the grass with his new wife. "You know what, honey?" 

"Hmm?" she replied. 

"With this satellite I'm installing..." 

"Yes?" 

"I could watch the Dukes Of Hazard in SPANISH. Isn't that so *&^$@!# cool?" Cid beamed. 

Shera sweatdropped. "Fascinating, darling. Just fascinating." She sipped her tea. 

Cid got up. "Well, I'm almost done, then we can test her out." He took his wrench and finished assembling it, then the two of them went inside and sat on the couch. "Okay, now let's see if this works." Cid said, picking up the remote. He cliked the TV on. 

"Hi, this is ex-megalomaniac Sephiroth" 

"And ex-ShinRa Inc. President, Rufus ShinRa." 

The camera switched angles and Sephiroth turned to face it. He put on his Million-Gil smile. "Do you want to be rich?" 

"Famous?" Rufus asked. 

Sephiroth put on a surprised face. "What's that? You DO? Weeeell, maybe we can help you there." 

"See, we're looking for musicians for our new band Groovy and Sexy... or GAS for short." Rufus said. 

An address popped up on the screen. 

"Just send your audition tapes here and if you qualify, we'll let you in our cool band." Sephiroth said in a voice over. 

The camera went back to the two men. Sephiroth and Rufus waved. 

"Thanks for your time!" Rufus said. 

Cid was rolling on the floor. "Oh my God! That was hilarious!!!" 

Shera watched her husband laugh until tears were falling from his face. 

"Oh damn that was something else. I gotta call the guys." Cid said, getting up and wiping a tear. He reached over for his phone. 

The phone rang at the front desk of Barrett's Inn in Nibelheim... 

"Wallace Inn, this is Marlene." A little girl answered the phone. 

"Marlene? It's Uncle Cid. Are you running the inn today?" 

"It's okay Unkie Cid. I used to run AntieTifa's bar back in Sector 7 while she was out on missions. This is nothing compared to having to put up with Mr. Reno's drunk shouting." 

"...Oh. So where's your daddy?" 

"Daddy's roughing up a customer that didn't pay last night." 

In the background, Cid could hear Barrett. 

"SUCKA YOU BEST PAY OR I'LL KICK YO' ASS SO HARD YO' MAMA GONNA FEEL IT!" 

"I could get him if you want." Marlene said. 

Cid sweatdropped. "That's okay, Marlene honey. I'll just call when things are less... rowdy." 

"OK, Unkie Cid, Byeee!" Marlene said, then hung up the phone. 

"Heh. Let's see... ah Yuffie." Cid dialed Yuffie's phone number. The phone rang about 12 times beofre a voice answered it. 

"H...Hulloooo?" Yuffie answered. 

"Get your ass up, girl. I've gotta tell you something." Cid said. 

"...Mornin' Cid. >yaaawn< So, what's up?" 

Cid told her about Sephiroth's TV ad and how he and Rufus were looking for bandmates. Yuffie was in hysterics. "Oh my GAWD, Vinny did you hear that?!?" She asked the man sleeping on the hardwood floor. 

"Yes. I heard you." Vincent said, waking up. 

"Well, I've got other people to call. Later Yuff." Cid said. 

"Sayanora." Yuffie said as she hung the phone up. She looked over at Vincent, who was curled up on the floor. "Vinny, c'mon, get up. I have an idea for you." Yuffie chuckled. 

Vincent sweatdropped. "Uh-oh... something tells me I am NOT going to like this...." He backed into a corner as Yuffie dove at him. 

"It'll only hurt for a minute, Vinny!!!" Yuffie shouted. 

"NOOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A BOYBAND!!!" Vincent shouted, running out of Yuffie's house. 

Reno, Rude, and Reeve popped their heads out from around the corner of Yuffie's house. 

"Did you guys hear that?" Reno asked. 

"Uh-huh." Rude and Reeve replied. (whoa, tongue twister) 

"Let's go see what this 'boyband' stuff is about." Reno said. 

"HEY!" Reeve shouted. "Who made you the boss? I owned a damn comapny, remember?" 

Reno looked up. "SHE made me the boss." He waved at Misa-chan. 

Rude and Reeve looked up. "Huh?" 

Reno looked back down at his two friends. "Well guys, let's go." He held Sephiroth's flyer in his hand. 

"I still don't see why the alcoholic gets to be the leader... I'M the cool guy with the goatee." Reeve complained. 

"So? I have sunglasses. What's your point?" Rude said. "Reno's just got something we don't." 

"Yeah." Reno agreed. "It's called being a kick-ass dresser and having cool hair. Now let's get going." 

The two Turks followed their newly appointed leader, sighing. 

end part 1 


	2. Default Chapter Title

"Formula For A Boyband" PART 2 by Misa-chan 

Vincent looked in the mirror. "I want to die." 

"Oh you don't mean that!" Yuffie called from outside the dressing room. "Come out here and let me take a look at you." 

Vincent sighed. "Okay, okay." He stepped out of the small dressing room and stood with his hands at his sides. "Please end my life." He was wearing a shiny silver shirt and black leather pants. 

Yuffie smiled. "You look so cute, Vinny!" She looked him up and down. "Hmm, turn around." 

"Do I have to?" 

"Yes." 

Vincent sweatdropped. "I am not one of your Blargie dolls, Yuffie. Please, for the love of all things sacred, don't make me do this!" 

"Stop complainin', I think you look cute." Yuffie said. "Now turn around." 

Vincent sighed and turned around. Yuffie laughed. "What's so funny?" 

"They're butt-less pants, Vinny!" Yuffie said, giggling. 

Vincent covered his bare behind. "Well, you could have told me that! No wonder I felt a draft!" With that, he ran back in the dressing room. Yuffie was on the floor, holding her stomach, laughing hysterically. 

Sephiroth sat in his living room in his favorite chair when his doorbell rang the opening notes to 'Celes' Theme'. "It's open!" He called from his living room. The door swung open and Sephiroth looked like he saw a ghost. 

"Hello Sephiroth." 

"AGH! Why are YOU here!?!? You weren't even IN this game!" Sephiroth said, trembling. 

"I know. But if you're going to have a band... you'll need a manager." 

"I'd rather have Celine Dion as my manager than YOU!" Sephiroth wailed. "AAAGH! Don't get so close!!!" Sephiroth extended a hand to keep the person away. 

The person grabbed Sephiroth's hand. "I can have that arranged." 

"NOO! I was only joking! Please don't make Celine Dion my manager!!!" Sephiroth said. 

"So does this mean I can be your manager?" 

Sephiroth sighed. "Okay Kefka, but keep your distance." 

"Mwahahahaha!" Kefka did his kick-ass laugh. 

Outside the Crater... 

"Damn, it's cold! Hey Rude, gimme your coat." 

"Hell no, Reno! You already got Reeve's, you're not gettin mine, too." Rude protested. 

"That's only cuz he DARED me to take my coat off!" Reeve shouted. "He said 'Be a man and test the cold, Reeve.'." 

Reno laughed. "You were dumb enough to listen to me." 

Reeve went to go punch Reno, but he fell into the snow instead. "Waah! I'm coooold!" 

"Will you two shut-up? We're almost there." Rude said, trying to be the reasonable one. 

The three men trudged through the snow until they reached Sephiroth's house. Reno rang the doorbell. Rufus came to the door. The three Turks' jaws dropped. "BOSS?!?" The three cried. 

Rufus flipped his hair. "Hey guys." 

"We didn't know you'd be here." Reeve said. 

"You haven't seen the TV commercials?" Rufus asked. 

"Nope." Reeve said. 

"Just this pink flyer here." Rude said, handing Rufus the flyer. 

"Hmm. I'm not mentioned ANYWHERE on this thing." Rufus read it over. "I'll have to talk to Sephers about this one. Come inside." He let the Turks in and they followed him down to the living room. "Please take off your shoes, Sephers is very paticular about his carpet." 

The Turks took off their shoes. Reno and Reeve sniffed the air. "RUDE!" The two yelled. 

"WHAT?" Rude answered. 

"Nevermind, Rude, you keep your shoes ON." Reeve instructed. 

Rude sweatdropped. "Sorry guys... they were the only socks I had left once the ShinRa building exploded." 

Rufus fell anime style. "IT EXPLODED!?!?" 

"Yeah. You didn't know?" Reno asked. 

"I've been living in a sewer! There's a LOT I don't know!" Rufus yelled, shaking Reno. 

"WeEeE tHoUgHt YoU dIeD, sIr!" Reno said, being shaken. Rufus threw him to one side. 

"Do I LOOK dead to YOU?" Rufus asked. 

"Well no, but-" 

"BUT NOTHING!" Rufus shouted. "You blew up my home, my workplace, my liiiife!" 

"Actually sir, it wasn't any of us." Rude confirmed. 

"It wasn't?" Rufus asked. 

"Nope. It was Sephiroth." Reeve said. 

"Sephiroth?" Rufus asked. 

"Yeah. He was goofing off in the main control room and ignited the self-destruct mechanism." Reno explained. 

"I KNEW it was a bad idea to have one of those put in..." Rufus said. "Damn you Hojo and your crazy ideas." 

Rude cleared his throat. 

"What is it?" Rufus asked. 

"Don't you find this strange, sir?" 

"What do you mean?" Rufus asked. 

"Look at us." Rude said. "We're what's left of the ShinRa empire... Rufus, Reno, Reeve, Rude... don't you get it, sir? We all have 'R' names." 

"So...?" 

"So isn't that just freaky?" Ruda asked. 

The three other men sweatdropped. Sephiroth walked into the living room, followed by Kefka. 

"Ooh, company. How nice." Sephers said, placing a tea tray on the table. "Please have a seat." Sephers pointed to the couch. The three Turks sat down and looked at eachother with confused faces. Sephiroth sat down in his chair. "Gentlemen, this is Kefka. He's going to be the manager of Groovy and Sexy. Did you three come here for an audition?" 

"Well, not really but-" 

Reno elbowed Rude in the stomach. "That's right. We're here to audition." 

"Okay, just step over here and I'll go get Florence." Sephiroth said. 

"Florence?" Reeve whispered to Rufus. 

"His karaoke machine." Rufus whispered back. 

"Ohh." Reeve said. 

Sephiroth emerged from his bedroom, wheeling in a huge karaoke machine. "Here she is. Meet Florence." He patted the huge machine lovingly as if it were a beloved pet. "So, who wants to go first, hmm?" 

Reno shot up out of his seat. "MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEEE!" 

Sephiroth sweatdropped. "Okay, Reno." Sephiroth handed Reno the microphone. "What song would you like to sing for us?" 

"Hmm." Reno thought. "Do you have 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'?" 

"Do I ever." Sephiroth said. He programmed the song in and the music started. 

"Once upoooon a tiime I was falling in looooove, now I'm only falling apart..." Reno put on a tragic face. "Nothin' I can do, Total eclipse of the heart... Once upon a time there was light in my liiiiiiiiife... Now there's only looove in the dark." Reno raised his arm up and made a fist. "Nothin' I can say, Total eclipse of the heaaaaaaaaaaaart!" 

Later... 

Rude twirled the mic in his hand. "GOTTA CATCH 'EM AAAAAAAAAAALL! Pokemooon!" He finished his song. Everyone looked strangely at him. Who could sing a TV theme song with more soul than Rude? 

It was Reeve's turn. He got up and looked at the people in the room, blushing. "I'm really embarrassed." 

"Aw, c'mon Reeve!" Reno cheered. 

"Yeah, we're all friends here!" Rude shouted. 

"I'm not." Kefka said. 

Everyone looked at Kefka and looked back at Reeve. 

"Okay, I'll try... here goes." He gulped. "Sephiroth... do you have the song I want?" 

Sephiroth smiled. "Oh yeah. You bet I do." Sephiroth programmed the song in and music started playing. 

Reeve danced around the room. "What a girl wants, what a girl needs..." 

After he was done, everyone was looking at him with sweatdrops on their heads. After a long silence, Rufus broke the silence. 

"What the hell was that?" 

Reeve shrugged. "It's just... oh, NEVERMIND!" He threw the mic down on the floor. 

"FLORENCE!" Sephiroth shouted, picking up the mic. 

Outside... 

"Are you ready, Vincent?" 

Vincent looked at Yuffie and sighed. "Let's get this over with." 

Yuffie smiled and slid her arm around Vincent's as she rang the doorbell. 

>Ding Ding Diiiiing Doooong<

"I'll get that." Rufus said. He walked up to the door and opened it. "Oh dear God no... it's those AVALANCHE guys." 

Sephiroth looked up. "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!!!" 

Yuffie and Vincent stepped past Rufus, who they were almost sure was dead, and walked into Sephiroth's living room. "So, what's up, Sephers?" Yuffie asked. 

"Nothin' really. Interviewing these guys for my cool band. You two here for an audition?" 

"Vincent is." Yuffie pushed Vincent toward the karaoke machine. 

Reno eyed Vincent with jealousy. "Where'd you get those cool clothes?" 

Vincent sweatdropped, remembering the pants he'd tried on. "Just some mall store." 

Yuffie snickered. "Well, sing for 'em, Vinny." 

"Oh, all right. Just promise me that as soon as we're done we can go home." 

"Okay, I promise." Yuffie made a cross motion over her heart. "Now sing for 'em." 

Vincent cleared his throat and did an accapella rendition of some Backstreet Boys song. It doesn't really matter which song. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. 

"Hmmmmm..." Sephiroth said. 

Kefka knocked Sephiroth over and jumped infront of Vincent. "WOW! Do you need a manager!?!?" 

"No, becuase I'm not going to be in some boyband. Come on Yuffie, you promised." Vincent grabbed Yuffie's hand and walked out of Sephiroth's house. 

"Vinceeeeeeeeeent! You just gave up fame and riches!" Yuffie screamed. 

"No, I saved my sanity." He replied, dragging Yuffie through the snow. 

"But don't you want money?!!?" 

"Yes. I will earn it though. I'm not going to capitalize on my great looks and gorgeous voice. That's why I left the Turks." Vincent said. 

"I thought you left the Turks becuase of Hojo." 

"I'm talking about a few minutes ago!" 

"Oh." Yuffie said, being pulled along. "Where'd that chocobo go?" 

"Shit, if we lost that chocobo, we're screwed." Vincent said. 

"And it's getting colderrrr." Yuffie shivered. 

Vincent pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back. "It's okay. You won't freeze. Here." He pulled off his coat. "Wear this, you'll be warm in no time." 

"But what about you? Aren't you cold?" Yuffie asked. 

Vincent smiled. "I'll be okay. I'm more concerned about you." 

Yuffie blushed. 

WallMarket... 

"Finally, a WHITE dress." Aeris said, snatching the wedding gown from the dress girl's hands. The girl looked down and headed to the backroom. Cloud watched her trudge by. 

"How does it fit, sweetie?" Cloud called from the waiting room. 

"It's too biiiiiig!" Aeris cried. 

Cloud got up and peeked over the door. "Oh honey..." He said in a sad voice. 

Aeris was sitting on the floor of the dressing room, sobbing. She covered her face in her hands. The dress she wore was 3 sizes too big and hung off her in every direction. Other than that, it was a beautiful dress. She looked up at Cloud. "I-it's too big. >sob< Oh Cloud! Just when I find the perfect dress for our wedding, it's too >sniff< it's too damn big!" She threw her arms around her fiancee and sobbed hysterically. 

Cloud kissed her forehead. "Don't cry. We'll get it altered, okay?" 

Aeris looked at him and smiled. "I love you, Cloud Strife." 

Cloud smiled back at her. "I love you too, Aeris." He kissed her and got up. "Now get out of that dress and back into your regular clothes. I'm taking you out to dinner." 

Aeris smiled and nodded. Cloud left the dressing room and winked at the dress girl. "It's okay. I've calmed her down." 

The dress girl wiped her brow and walked into Aeris' dressing room. "We'll alter it immediately." 

In Nibelheim... 

"You are cordially invited to WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?" Tifa read the invitation. She threw it on the ground. "NO! THIS ISN'T FAIIIIR!" 

Barrett watched Tifa stamp on the wedding invitation. "Wha's wrong Tifa?" 

"They're getting maaarriiiieeed!" Tifa wailed. 

Barrett scratched the back of his head. "Well, yeah." 

"This isn't fair, damn it!" Tifa punched the ground. The inn shook a little. 

Marlene came running into the room. "DADDY! It's another earthquake! I'm scared!!!" She clung to her father's massive leg. 

Barrett stroked her soft hair. "It's okay sugar bear. Antie Tifa was just upset again." 

"Oh okay, Daddy." Marlene detatched herself from her fathers leg, allowing the blood to flow once again. She ran up the stairs into her room. 

Barrett looked down at Tifa. "Y'know, y' gotta knock this off. Why doncha jis get over him?" 

Tifa wiped her eyes and sniffled. "Maybe you're right. Perhaps I should go out tonight and meet some guys." 

"Tha's mah girl!" Barrett patted her shoulder. "Now, go git dressed and have some fun tonight. I'll take care of the bar." 

Tifa got up and walked out of the inn. "Thanks Barrett!" She shouted as she ran to her house. 

end part 2 


	3. Default Chapter Title

"Formula For A Boyband" by Misa-chan 

"What did Valentine mean by 'some boyband'?" Sephiroth asked Kefka. 

"Oh you know. A boyband is like... like a band of guys. HANDSOME guys." Kefka said. 

Sephiroth thought a moment. "You mean handsome guys with no talent except their God given beauty." 

"Well..." Kefka started. 

"I am NOT forming a boyband! This is going to be an actual band, like with instruments and everything!" Sephiroth shouted. "If you want to handle a boyband, go talk to New Kids On Sector 4, becuase Sephers ain't your man!" 

"FINE!" Kefka shouted. "I'm outta this rat hole!" 

"IT'S A CRATER!" Sephiroth yelled. 

Kefka turned back and yelled "WHATEVER!" and slammed the door. Seconds later, the door bell rang 'Celes' Theme'. 

>DING DING DIIING DOOOOOONG<

">sigh< Come in, Kefka." Sephiroth said. 

Kefka peeked his head in the door. "I forgot my keys...." 

Reno got up and handed the keys to Kefka. 

"Thanks man." Kefka said, then slammed the door again. 

Somewhere outside in the snow... 

"You mean to tell me that out of all the materia you have with you..." Vincent said "that you don't have a Chocobo Lure???" 

Yuffie looked down. "I didn't think we'd need one really." 

Vincent sighed and sat in the snow. "Okay, let's freeze then." He said sarcastically. 

"Look, I've said I'm sorry I don't know HOW many times! The least you could do is show a little human compassion!" Yuffie shouted. 

"Human compassion? Haven't you noticed that I'm far from human!?!? Haven't you noticed what that bastard Hojo did to me!?!? Sorry, but I'm not exactly 'human', thank you." Vincent retorted. 

"Don't say that! You're just as human as any of us! You just want our pity! So Hojo took your girl and shot you! BIG FUCKING DEAL! I've had to watch my beautiful hometown turn into a damn tourist trap! How do you think that makes me feel? Me and my father don't even talk, unless it's arguing like you and I are right now! At least you HAD someone close to you. Look at me! I have NO ONE! I HAVE NOTHING!" Yuffie screamed, pounding Vincent in his chest. 

"Yuffie, I- I'm sorry." Vincent said quietly. 'So beneath that cocky attitude there's just a hurting young girl... I am terrible.' he thought. 

"Don't you get it?" Yuffie said, crying. "We're the same. That's why I... why I-" 

'I've failed to see something here. I love this girl.' He thought. Vincent kissed her. 

"But Vincent, you're a lot older than me." Yuffie said, stepping away. 

He looked down into her eyes. "I know. Every part of me says 'no', but my heart tells me 'yes'. I'm listening to my heart, Yuffie." He kissed her again. 

Yuffie tried to pull away, but Vincent only pulled her closer to him. He refused to let go for any reason. Yuffie soon gave up her half-hearted struggle and wrapped her arms tightly around Vincent's neck. Vincent caressed her face with one hand, and held her around her back with his other arm. They kissed for several minutes, exploring eachother's mouths, enjoying the other's taste. Vincent broke the kiss finally, breathing rather heavily. 

"I believe I am warm now." He said, blushing slightly. 

Yuffie gigled. "C'mon, let's go find that chocobo." 

Vincent nodded and grabbed Yuffie's hand. They began searching the snowy area for the chocobo. 

Elmyra's house... 

"Bubblegum or Salmon?" Aeris asked, holding up two horrifying dresses. Clous stood next to her, impatience growing on his face. The two women had been discussing the two IDENTICAL colors for the better part of 2 hours. 

"They both look Pink to me, dear." Elmyra, her adoptive mother replied. 

Aeris stamped her foot on the creaky floor in her bedroom. "Moooom! I'm being serious and all you can say is 'They both look Pink to me, dear'!" She threw her hands onto her hips. 

"Honey, you asked for her help, now don't criticize." Cloud said, trying in vain to calm Aeris down. 

Aeris threw the two identically horrific bridesmaid dresses on the floor. "Well I need to know which shade to use!!!" 

Cloud put his hands on her tiny shoulders. "Just calm down, sweetie. Remember those breathing exercises?" 

Aeris frowned and took in several deep breaths. She smiled up at him. "Oh Cloud! You always make me feel better! I love you!" She threw her arms around him and kissed him deeply. 

"I'll take this as my cue to leave." Elmyra said, stepping over the identical bridesmaid dresses as her daughter and future son-in-law started to remove eachother's clothing. She shut the door behind her, shaking her head. "Kids today..." 

Sephy's house... 

"And what's all this about, not putting my name on the flyers?" Rufus shouted at the Sephiroth looking at the floor. 

"Well, you see, it was costing me money by the letter for that flyer and I-" 

"AND YOU BLEW UP MY BUILDING TOO!" Rufus cried. 

Sephiroth cringed. "Yeah, sorry about that." 

"When did you plan on telling me about it?" Rufus asked. 

Sephiorth looked up at him. "Never?" 

"Reeve, Reno, Rude!" Rufus shouted. "We're leaving! We can have a band without this guy!" Rufus walked out of Sephiroth's house, closely followed by the Turks, shutting the door as they left. 

The door opened again and Reno popped his head in. "Bye, Sephers." Then he popped his head back out and shut the door. 

Sephiroth frowned and threw himself onto his couch. "Great. NOW what am I gonna do?" He looked over at his Masamune. "Well... there's always 'plan A'... NO! What am I saying? I'm completely rehabilitated, I can't kill people anymore, it's just wrong. Maybe I can make it on my own. Just me... Sephiroth." He smiled and closed his eyes, taking a much needed snooze on the couch. 

"Es los Duke hombres!!!" 

Cid sat glued to the television. Ever since he got the damn thing, Shera's had some trouble getting his attention. She stood in the kitchen, making some tea when she had an idea. 

"Don't you get it, Rosco? You'll never catch 'em!" Cid laughed as the police car followed the General Lee around a tree. Cid took a sip of his beer and smacked his knee. "YEEEE-HA!" 

"*ahem* Caaaptaaain..." Shera called in a soft, sensual tone. 

"Oh honey, I told you that since we're married you don't have to call me 'captain'. Why are you wearing your labcoat?" Cid asked. 

Shera smiled in the doorway to their living room. "Why don't you come over here and find out, you big stud." She motioned with her index finger for him to go over there. 

"Screw fashion statements, honey... The Dukes are on!" Cid said, waving a dismissing hand at her. 

Shera put her hands on her hips. "CIDOLFAS SHERMAN HIGHWIND YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" 

Not even a second later, Cid was standing next to his wife. "What can I do for you, sweetie?" He asked, putting on his most charming smile... which only Shera found charming. 

She melted whenever he did that. 'Must remain in control, I'm the one seducing here, not him!' She thought. She gave him a small wink, then pouted. "Honey? I think this labcoat's a little too warm. Could you help me take it off?" 

"Uh, okay... I don't understand why you have it on in the first place, but whatever." Cid unbuttoned her labcoat. "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE NAKED UNDER THERE! OOOH LET'S GO DO IT!" Cid shouted as he picked her up and ran into the bedroom. 

Shera shook her head and sighed. 'Men are so transparent...' she thought. 

Somewhere in the snow... 

"This is one lame-ass idea." 

"Hey, it might work." Vincent said. Then he cupped his hands around his mouth and made a sickening noise. "WAAARK!" 

Yuffie giggled. 

Vincent looked at her. "What's so funny, Yuffie?" 

Yuffie wiped a tear. "Nothing. Go ahead." 

Vincent shrugged and did it again. "WAAAARK!" 

Yuffie held her stomach with one hand, and her mouth with the other. If she laughed out loud, she'd blow what little chance that she and Vincent had of catching their chocobo. Then, to her surprise, she heard Vincent's calls replied. 

"Waaaaaaaaaaaark!" it echoed in the snowy distance. 

Vincent got up and started to walk toward the sound, continuing his awful impression of a chocobo in heat. Yuffie followed closely behind until they reached the chocobo. Vincent calmed it down with some greens while Yuffie got behind it and got on. Vincent then got on infront of her and the two of them rode away on it. 

Yuffie hugged Vincent tightly around his waist, resting her head on his back. "I'm exhuasted." She complained. 

"It's okay, we'll be home soon." Vincent reassured her as she fell asleep. 

end part 3 


	4. Default Chapter Title

  
  
  
"Formula For A Boyband"   
by Misa-chan  
  
  
3 Months Later...  
  
Sephiroth sat impatiently in the large waiting room. In one hand, he held his demo that he'd been shopping around to record companies, in his other hand, his Masamune... just incase they didn't like the demo. He sighed and looked up at the clock. '3:13 PM...' He thought. 'I've been here since 12 and that snotty receptionist hasn't even looked in my direction.' He looked down at his Masamune. 'Well, I could just simply get rid of all the people who have appointments infront of mine... no, that's just mean.' He looked up at the clock again. It was 3:15.  
  
  
Wutai...  
  
Vincent rolled over and hit the floor with a loud thud that woke up not only himself, but Yuffie as well. Yuffie peeked over the counter, her eyes barely open. "Vinny?"  
  
Vincent waved his hand. "I'm down here. I think we fell asleep while trying to clean up this old store."  
  
Yuffie looked around. "Looks like we didn't get very far in cleaning." She got up off the ground and stretched. "Owww, my back."  
  
Vincent sat up on the floor and brushed the dust off his clothes. Then he looked up at the calendar. "Oh shit..."  
  
"What is it?" Yuffie asked. She saw Vincent point to the calendar, then run out of the old store they bought. She followed closely behind him, realizing what day it was. The two of them ran into Yuffie's house, slamming the door behind them.  
  
Yuffie made a dash for the shower, but Vincent beat her there. She pounded on the bathroom door. "HEY! HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF LADIES FIRST?!?!?!" Then, she heard the shower turn on. "Vincent you jerk!" She ran down to her kitchen and jumped into the sink, turning the water on and running it all over her, even though she was still clothed.   
  
  
Nibelheim...  
  
"Marleeeeeeeeeene! Are you almos' ready t'go, honey?"  
  
"Almost, Daddy!" Marlene called from the top of the stairs.   
  
Tifa checked her watch. 3:25 PM. "The wedding's at 5... where's Cid?"  
  
  
Rocket Town...  
  
"STUPID PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIIT!" Shera could hear outside from her bedroom. She poked her head outside.  
  
"Honey? What's wrong?" she called.  
  
"GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT!!! I'LL PISS ALL OVER THIS FUCKIN' THING!!!" Cid shouted, not hearing his wife.  
  
Shera sweatdropped and looked over at the dresser. "He forgot his keys." She finished getting dressed and ran up to the Highwind.  
  
Cid was swearing up a storm, kicking assorted pieces of equipment.  
  
"Um, Honey?" Shera said.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Looking for these?" She jingled his keys.  
  
Cid rushed over to Shera and kissed her repeatedly. "Baby, you're the greatest!" He grabbed the keys and turned the Highwind on. The two of them took off for Nibelheim.  
  
  
Soon...  
  
"Waaah!" Aeris cried. "I'm so scared!" She hugged Tifa tightly.  
  
Tifa frowned and pried the crying bride off her. She had gotten over the fact that Cloud loved Aeris and not her. She was pissed for another reason. The, ahem, Bubblegum colored bridesmaid dresses. Tifa looked at herself in the mirror, then at poor Yuffie, Marlene, and Shera. They seemed less than thrilled about the dresses as well.   
  
"Don't be scared, flower lady." Marlene said, patting Aeris' hand.  
  
  
In another room...  
  
"Waaaah!" Cloud screamed. "I'm so scared!" He hugged Barrett tightly.  
  
"Foo', git offa me!" Barrett said, ripping the younger man from his legs.  
  
Cloud let go reluctantly and sulked in his chair. "This is scarier than anything I've ever done before." He said.  
  
Vincent stood in the doorway, his arms folded. "Well, things could be worse. At least Sephiroth isn't here to complicate things with that damn karaoke machine of his."  
  
Just as Vincent said that, a knock came to the room's door. "Come in." Cid said.  
  
The door opened to reveal Sephiroth decked out in a tux, like the rest of the guys, pulling behind him a large karaoke machine with an insanely pink bow on it. Sephiroth smiled. "Sorry Florence and I are a little late. We had an interview."  
  
All the guys sweatdropped.  
  
  
At a concert somewhere...  
  
"Are you ready for the TURKS?"  
  
Countless girls screamed at the top of their lungs.  
  
"Well, here they are!" The announcer shouted. "RENO!"   
  
Reno ran out from backstage, blowing kisses at the audience.  
  
"RUDE!"  
  
Rude ran out and waved at the girls.  
  
"And REEEEEEEEEEVE!"  
  
Screams erupted from every corner of the stadium. Reeve ran out and was bombarded by panties at all angles. The music started and the three Turks began to dance in perfect sync with eachother. Then Reno raised his mic to his mouth and started to sing. Countless girls screamed their proffessions of love to him.  
  
Backstage...  
  
Rufus laughed hysterically. "Rule the world with fear? What the HELL was I thinking?" He lit up a cigar. "I'll rule the world with boybands instead!" He pet his freaky dog thing and laughed some more.  
  
The church...  
  
"I remember when we first met... he bought flower from me." Aeris giggled. "I think he touched my hand on purpose when he went to take it."  
  
"I still have that flower, too!" Marlene said. "I pressed it in a book so I'd never ever lose it!"  
  
"Marlene, he gave the flower to you? That's so sweet!" Aeris said.  
  
Tifa rolled her eyes. 'It's really hot in this ugly-ass dress.' The dresses were actually made of a light material. Tifa is just so used to dressing like a skank that something that covers her ass is considered clothes for cold weather. She fanned herself and tugged at the top of the dress. "Is it almost time yet?" She asked.  
  
Shera looked up at the clock. "Almost. Come on, we've got to go line up." The girls all left the dressing room.  
  
With the guys...  
  
"Argh! I'm going insaaaane!" Cloud shouted.   
  
Cid looked up at the clock. "Well, we've gotta go line up. We'll see youin a few minutes. Later man."  
  
Cloud frowned and got up out of his chair to go wait for Aeris at the altar. "This is gonna take foreverrrr." He complained.  
  
In front of the church...  
  
"Where's Sephers? He's supposed to be giving me away!" Aeris shouted.  
  
"I'M COMING!" Sephiroth shouted, running toward the girls.   
  
"Not a moment too soon, either..." Yuffie said under her breath as she took Vincent's arm.  
  
Aeris turned around to face the group. "Remember guys, start on the left foot."  
  
"It isn't the right?" Cid asked.  
  
Aeris' jaw dropped. "I-I don't know!"  
  
The music started.  
  
"That doesn't matter now, let's just go." Vincent said.  
  
The doors opened and they began walking up the aisle. Everyone in the church found Aeris' gown beautiful... although the bridesmaids looked less than spectacular. Sephiroth gave Aeris away and the ceremony started as Bugenhagen began to speak.  
  
At the stadium...  
  
"THANKS, WE LOVE YOU ALL!" Reeve shouted as he and his bandmates ran backstage. Their concert was over and if they made it in enought time, they could still catch Cloud and Aeris' reception. The Turks and Rufus hopped in the helicopter and took off for Midgar.  
  
"Do you think we'll miss the party?" Reeve asked.  
  
"I hope not! I'm starving!" Rude said.  
  
Reno looked out the window at the sea of pre-pubecent girls screaming their lungs out. 'I love this job' he thought, taking a shot. "Ahhh." He sighed in contentment.  
  
end part 4


	5. Default Chapter Title

"Formula For A Boyband" PART 5 by Misa-chan 

A helicopter landed in Elmyra's frontyard. The party in the back watched it land. Then, Marlene squealed the way only a boy band fan can. She ran over and hugged Reeve around the knees. "Aaaah! I love yoooooou!" 

Reeve looked down at the squeaky 4 year old and patted her head. "Where is everyone, Marlene?" 

"In the back. The party's just started." She grabbed Reeve's hand and led him and the other Turks, as well as Rufus to the back yard. 

Barrett was singing with the karaoke machine when he saw Rufus. "Ooh! You son of a Bitch!" He shouted in the middle of 'Paradise By The Dashboard Light'. He threw the mic to the ground and Sephiroth wailed. 

"FLORENCE!" He ran to pick up the mic while Barrett was running at Rufus. 

"Don't hit meeeeh!" Rufus screamed, covering his face from Barrett. 

"I thought Weapon killed yo' ass! Why ain't ya dead, you ShinRa scum!!!" Barrett yelled. 

"I'm a peaceful man! I won't give in to violence!" Rufus shouted. 

"SHU'UP!" Barrett yelled. "I'm sick'a you. I should kill ya right now!" 

"Stop it!" Aeris cried. "This is my wedding! Can't you just put aside your animosity for one day?" 

Barrett lowered his head. "Yeah... I guess." 

Rufus wiped the sweat off his forehead. ">whew<" 

Somewhere very dark... 

"Do you think anyone saw us sneak off like that?" 

"I don't think they did." 

"Good. I don't want them to think we're a couple of horny teenagers." 

"Well, you are at least." 

"Vinnie, shut up!" 

"A joke, it was a joke." Vincent apologized, smiling. 

Yuffie looked away. "Don't you try to get on my good side by flashing me that sexy smile of yours either, put those fangs away." 

Vincent walked up behind Yuffie and put his arms around her. "You think my smile is sexy?" 

Yuffie blushed. "N-no... well yeah." 

He laughed a bit to himself, holding Yuffie's body against his. "Why are you shaking, Yuffie?" 

"No reason. I just shake a little when I'm nervous." 

Vincent smelled her hair and put his mouth near her ear. "Don't be nervous." He whispered, moving a hand up from her waist to her face. "Okay?" 

This only made Yuffie more nervous. She'd never been this close to anyone. This feeling was too new to her and it was making her rather uncomfortable. "Um... Vincent?" 

"Yes?" 

"I think the others are wondering where we are." 

"Let them wonder." Vincent said, tucking some of Yuffie's hair behind her ear. "I want to be alone with you." 

"Geez, when you put it like that..." Yuffie blushed. Vincent turned her around and captured her lips with his own. Yuffie sighed longingly and put her arms around him. 

Back with the others... 

"Okay everybody!" Aeris called "Here comes the boqueeeeet!" 

Single girls gathered from all over the backyard to behind Aeris, each boasting that they'd catch it. 

"Everyone there??" Aeris asked. 

The girls all screamed with anticipation. 

"Okaaaay! Here goes!" Aeris shut her eyes tightly and flung the boquet over her head. 

"OWWW!" a girl screamed. 

All the girls turned around and saw Yuffie emerge from behind the garage with Vincent, carrying the coveted boquet. "Who friggin' threw this at me???" Yuffie asked. 

The females all sighed, snapped a finger, and stamped at the ground. None of them caught it. It caught Yuffie. 

Aeris smiled and ran up to Yuffie, taking the girl's hands into her own. "Oh Yuffie! This is great!" Aeris giggled and hugged Vincent. "Good luck, you two!" She ran off to rejoin the party. 

Yuffie and Vincent looked at eachother and shrugged. 

At the bar... 

"ANOTHER sake??" the pretty bartender asked the drunken Reno. 

Reno responded by nodding. 

The bartender sweatdropped and poured Reno some more sake. 

Rude sauntered over to the bar. He patted Reno on the back and sat down next to him. "Hey man, you won't BELIEVE how many phone numbers I got." Rude patted his pocket. 

Reno raised his hand in a dismissing gesture and pointed at the bartender. Rude's jaw dropped. 

"No way!" 

Reno nodded as a small speck of drool escaped his mouth. His sunglasses fell from his forehead and covered his bloodshot eyes. "Way..." he confirmed, patting a pocket of his own. 

Rude shook his head. "Damn, I was gonna ask her for her number." 

Reno shrugged and went back to his sake. "Hey... have you seen Reeve around?" 

"No. I came herre to ask you the same question." Rude answered. "I wonder where he is." 

Inside... 

"...And I have ALL your CD's, the dolls, tapes of the cartoon, posters, cards, pins-" 

Reeve sweatdropped. "Uh-huh....that's nice, Marlene..." this was Reeve's own personal Hell. He didn't mind the older fans, but the 4 year old ones just weren't as accessible. He looked out the window at all the pretty girls and decided it was time to turn his attentions elsewhere. "Look, Marlene... I've got some things I need to do. I'll come back later, okay?" He petted Marlene on her head and ran out the door. 

"HMPH!" Marlene protested, ripping the head off of her 'Dancing Reeve' doll. 

As the day drew to a close, Cid and Barrett excused themselves for a moment to get their gift for Cloud. They came back, pushing a motorcycle in front of them. Cloud's jaw dropped as he pried himself from his new wife. He ran over to the motorcycle and ran a hand over it lovingly. 

"How did you guys know?" Cloud asked. He got on the bike and hugged it. 

Barrett sweatdropped. "Yo' WE'COME." 

Cloud sat up on the bike. "Right, thanks you guys." Cloud looked over at his jealous wife. "Come sit on the bike, honey!" he called to her. 

Aeris had her arms folded across her chest, but walked over to the bike anyway. She got on behind Cloud and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Wow. Great. Can I open MY presents now?" 

Cloud sweatdropped. "Right, sorry honey." The two of them got off the bike and sat at the long table with gifts addressed to the couple on them. Among the gifts were things for their new house from Cid and Shera, crappy 'his and her' bathroom stuff from Barrett, and a naughty neglige from Tifa for Aeris. Cloud just blushed at the sight of it, imagining Aeris in it for later that night. Aeris held it by the bra part over her body and winked. Everyone laughed at Cloud's ever reddening face. He grabbed it from her and stuffed it back in the box. "Aeris, stuff like that is NOT for public display." 

"Awww" Aeris commented. "Don't be such a Square." 

Somewhere Hironobu Sakaguchi coughed. 

Well... that's it guys. The End. Of all the FF7 fics... well, this derranged series, at least. It was fun writing them, hope you had fun reading them. =p Ja ne! 


End file.
